http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=129728
Terran are the most volatile romp n' stomp habanero chili boomshakalaka slam dunk descendants from Spartan warriors while -- KEKEKEKEKEKEKE OH WHAT WAS THAT? Before you could finish your goddamn sentence you just got ZERG RUSHED by about ten thousand hungry, toothy, screeching godless voracious alien monstrosities made out of pure unadulterated TERROR that were vomited out of giant, shrieking worms ripping out of your fucking lawn. These are the same fucking things you checked under your bed for when you were a little pants-wetting whelp of a terran clutching your blankey while your parents tucked you in at night. Their entire anatomy is designed to KILL YOU IN HORRIBLE WAYS AND EAT YOUR GUTS WHILE YOU DIE SCREAMING. Lets go over some of this shit shall we?
Firstly, you've got the zergling, even the smallest of these fuckers is a sinewy rampaging little dervish of absolute destruction who would make the angriest rabid hyena crossbred with a killer asian wasp look like a cute fuzzy poodle in comparison. You've got guns? What's manly about that? My grandmother can shoot a gun. These things have massive sickle CLAWS that would give Freddy fucking Krueger a bigger hard-on than the time you swallowed a whole bottle of viagra to try and keep a fraction of the stamina a zergling has while raping its way through hardened criminals-come-infantry three minutes after its born. That's right, these cracked out motherfuckers will tear your organs out your eyeballs WHILE STILL DRIPPING IN THE AMNIOTIC FLUIDS OF THE EGG THAT SPAWNED THEM. How many people did your ass kill in the first 24 hours after you were pulled crying out of your mothers vagina?
If that weren't enough, these bastards don't even have the pathetic human concept of a "fair fight". Every one of them is born with a twin, so even if you shoot one down there's still an 88% chance of his pissed off brother coming from behind and running up your anus at 80 miles per hour in an animalistic fury while flailing those ball-splitting claws around like a retarded circus baby having a seizure.
But no, that's not all. Sometimes these crazy little shits decide to go that extra level of psycho and morph their whole body into a pulsing testicular sac of deadly flesh-dissolving acid, after which they will gleefully hunt you down and EXPLODE ON YOU. Fucking hardcore.
Roaches - These guys are so deadly, their spit will melt your dick off faster than you can say OH SHI-. On top of that, they have 8 limbs, so they can violently rearranging your face, your mother, your grandmother, your wife and your asshole AT THE SAME TIME. You shit your pants yet? Have I mentioned that they can dig through the fucking ground underneath you to spring a surprise attack whenever you least expect it? Sleep tight, motherfucker, don't let the bed bugs bite your legs off.
Hydralisks - A creature that's so many kinds of freaky, their name is a combination of hydra and basilisk - yeah you got that correct, only one ancient mythological abomination of science wasn't enough to do them justice. They fire spines as big as you out of their goddamn head. Razor. Spines. Flying at hypersonic speeds from their skull. You ever been stung by a bee? Times that by like thirteen billion and you'll get the pain that these slimy fucks dish out in a hailstorm of death like its their job. Shit, when a bee stings you, did you know that it pulls out its own organs when the stinger comes out? DOES THAT MEAN THESE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS ARE TEARING OUT CHUNKS OF THEIR OWN CRANIAL MATTER EVERY TIME THEY SHOOT AT YOU? YOU BET YOUR JELLO JIGGLING ASS! THEY ARE THAT DEDICATED TO ENDING YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE THEY WILL SELF INFLICT BRAIN DAMAGE TO DO SO.
Oh, and zerg share a collective hive consciousness so when one of them has a cool new idea for how to make origami out of your intestines, they all do.
Infestors - You thought that big stomping, wrecking, cigar-chomping warmachine got your back to keep you safe from the all-devouring alien deathswarm covering your planet in foul purple shit? Wait 'til these fat fucks hit the field. They were tentacle raping peoples brains when the japanese were still getting nuked in WWII. 250mm strike cannons you say? You mean the same cannons gunning down your tank line so the tidal wave of chitinous slavering murder on the other side can pour through to rip you limb from limb? Yeah, keep running you woman. Oh wait, you can't, there's green fungus growing out your asshole that's liquefying your internal organs while it holds you in place to make sure the thirsty beasts chasing you down aren't deprived of their "juice boxes". Eviscerating your friends and comrades is dehydrating work, dammit.
Ultralisks --
If the image is not enough to explain how fucked you are, you are too dumb to live anyway.
Spine Crawlers - Did I mention that even the workers for the zerg can morph into living buildings made out of muscle and massive sodomizing spikes? And that these buildings are so eager to ram their thorny phalluses into your rectum they will tear out of the ground and come after you if necessary?
And that's just a taste of all the horrible things the zerg want to do to you. I could go into more detail, but I even scared myself so bad I have to go change my pants.
Game over, man.
TL;DR Terran are not manly men when they are shitting absolute bricks in fear as the creepiest crawliest race in the whole clusterfuck of a galaxy is turning them inside out for no other reason than biological instinct.[img][/img][img]
Fri 13 Aug 2010 - 13:15 
